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May 27, 2022

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Greg Gutfeld: The left has ‘literally flipped’ over abortion

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I hope you had a lovely birthing persons’ day. I dressed in drag to get half price mimosas at brunch, it was worth it, but other people who I call jerks went to a judge’s house to protest on behalf of abortion. 

It seems like an ironic thing to do on a Mother’s Day weekend – cheer for abortions, which is what happened. A motherlode of manic hysterics showed up outside the homes of US Supreme Court justices on Saturday to protest the court’s expected repeal of Roe v Wade, “V” is short for versus. 

Reminds me of an old joke. How do you get a bitter left-winger off your porch? You pay for the pizza. 

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So, here’s MSNBC’s next Democrat cleaner upper who moonlights as press secretary, rattling off some answer as she pretends to still give a crap about her current job. Trigger warning you’ll be seeing red after her answer, and it won’t be just her hair. 

PETER DOOCY: Do you think the progressive activists that are now planning protests outside some of the justices’ houses are extreme. 

JENN PSAKI: Peaceful protest? No, peaceful protest is not extreme. 

PETER DOOCY: Activists posted a map with the home addresses of the Supreme Court justices. Is that the kind of thing this president wants to help your side make their point? 

JENN PSAKI: Look, I think the president’s view is that there’s a lot of passion, a lot of fear, a lot of sadness from many, many people across this country about what they saw in that leaked document. We obviously want people’s privacy to be respected. 

Of course, the long history of this sort of thing. Like how far? How long, really? I mean, to this?

MAXINE WATERS: If you see anybody from that Cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station. You go out and you create a crowd and you push back on them and you tell them they’re not welcome.

I think I just aborted my eardrums. And who can forget this jackass? 

CHUCK SCHUMER: They’re taking away fundamental rights. I want to tell you, Gorsuch. I want to tell you, Kavanaugh. You have released the whirlwind. And you will pay the price. You won’t know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions. 

Oh, he is stupid. If I didn’t know any better, he sounds like he’s fomenting an insurrection.

Psaki has since tried to clean up her mess, tweeting that she disapproves of violence but she didn’t disavow home visits. I guess she hopes not to offend her party extremists like this one at a church entrance on Sunday. 

PROTESTER 1: They’re terrorizing my ******* uterus. I’m killing the ******* baby. I’m killing him. I’m killing the baby.

PROTESTER 2: They died for abortion. They died for abortion. 

It’s got a nice ring to it. America indeed has talent, and it looks like an audition for the open chair on “The View.” Oh, they don’t need a straightjacket. They can borrow one from Sunny. 

Meanwhile, others showed up at John Roberts home, drawing images of coat hangers in chalk. Ooh. Which reminds me, I have shirts to pick up at the dry cleaners. The problem with working late at night, they’re closed.

They also stopped by Brett Kavanaugh’s home. I guess this is their way of apologizing for calling him a gang rapist. Sadly, they didn’t even bring a beer. There was also more chanting, because as you know, that **** really works. Ask Liz Warren the next time it rains. Imagine – but I mean seriously – imagine if your coworkers acted this way. 

STAFFER 1: Who is that at this hour? 

STAFFER 2: You got to stop eating apples at the office, Kyle. Your privileged palate is an attack on people with misophonia.

STAFFER 2: Miso-what?

STAFFER 1: It’s a medical condition where people get triggered by chewing noises. 

STAFFER 2: Okay, Deb, it’s quarter to midnight on Mother’s Day. Can we do this tomorrow? 

STAFFER 2: You got to hear about it now, Johnny Applegreed. All of us in the 99% aren’t going to stand for your bigoted breakfasts anymore. All right, stop gaslighting me. I see all the euro-Christian symbolism in your precious Red Delicious. You might as well be eating a swastika. 

STAFFER 1: Thank you so much. I’m going to bed now. 

STAFFER 2: Oh, wait, wait. Can I have money for a cab? 

Dirt bag, Debbie. Truly a dirtbag. 

So, there’s more protests to come. They’re going to hit the homes of Gorsuch, Amy Coney Barrett, and, of course, evil Clarence Thomas. 

Speaking of Thomas, let’s credit The New York Times for claiming that appealing Roe V. Wade would ultimately end interracial marriage, which would be news to Clarence and his wife. 

Of course, it’s a lie that the medias have been pushing for days. In fact, Alito specifically debunked that saying “nothing in this opinion should be understood to cast doubt on precedents that do not concern abortion.”

But I guess the editors at the Times didn’t comprehend his statement, which is understandable since they read at a fourth grade level. 

But any facts about the Supreme Court opinion don’t matter because they’re kind of unexciting, which is why the media has to lie and say the appeal will end interracial marriage, ban contraception or outlaw taco Tuesday. 

It’s to gin up rage, but also argue for adding more justices to the court. If the Dems had their way, the Supreme Court would have more people packed into it than Hunter Biden’s hotel room. 

So never let a crisis go to waste. A phrase coined by Kilmeade’s barber. 

Will it work? Well, as days go on, our daily pressing problems will return. You know, inflation through the roof, being stabbed in the ass waiting for the bus. 

Fact is, it’s going to be hard to go protest Roe V. Wade when you can barely afford the gas to get there. 

Now, I think protesting at judges’ homes is illegal in all states and for good reason. The idea that you can use fear in order to influence any decision is obviously wrong. I learned that the hard way when I was on “Dancing with the Stars.” 

But oddly, the media does that every day – trying to scare you. Which is why today their side always gets a pass. Because once they deem you evil, then all laws are meaningless. It’s war. I mean, if you’re fighting Hitler, then everything is up for grabs.

 And make no mistake, if it’s Monday, someone on the left is calling you Hitler. Because if they didn’t shout and scream at you, then you might actually hear the truth, which, oddly, for some reason now sounds like Bill Maher. 

BILL MAHER: I learned things this week – because this put it on the front page – that are pretty basic things that I did not know about abortion. Like in Europe, the modern countries of Europe are way more restrictive than we are or what they’re even proposing. If you are pro-choice. You would like it a lot less in Germany, in Italy, in France and Spain, in Switzerland. Did you know that? I didn’t know that. I learned most people who are pro-life are women. I did not know that. 

And obviously, he’s no pro-lifer. He’s just older and seemingly wiser. We need more of that and less rage. But the left has literally flipped, and the whole point of the leak was to scare the crap out of the justices. Did it work? It’s hard to tell. They’re wearing robes.